If you live in Orlando, you already know that when the tourists roll in, they’re like a tidal wave crashing against the shore. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, and you can almost feel the heat in the air (thanks to the theme parks). I’m not gonna lie—some days, it feels like I’m living in a never-ending tourist trap. But listen, after a solid 13 years of living here (and raising twins, Jenny and Sam), I’ve learned a thing or two about surviving this madness, and—most importantly—keeping my sanity intact. Spoiler alert: it’s not about avoiding the tourists. It’s about learning how to exist in the chaos and have some fun with it.

First things first: the traffic. Oh my goodness. It’s like the roads are just not built for the sheer volume of minivans and rental cars clogging up the streets. You know, it’s one of those situations where you’re just trying to get to Target (you need the essentials, and if you’re a mom, you KNOW what I mean), but nope! You’re gonna sit at that light for 10 minutes. But hey, on the bright side, your kids can practice their karaoke skills in the backseat. Jenny’s rendition of Let It Go could bring tears to your eyes… or make you want to turn up the volume on your own music. Either way, just take a deep breath and remember: you’re not going anywhere fast, so why not make the best of it?

Next up: the theme parks. The big guys—Disney, Universal, SeaWorld—are packed year-round, but when tourist season hits, it’s like all the lines triple in length. Now, if you’ve got kids in tow like me, this can feel like you’ve entered some sort of special circle of hell, where the heat is unbearable, and the lines are endless. But here’s my hack: embrace the “half-day theme park visit” mentality. Go early, stay for a few hours, and then bail before the crowds really start to pile in. Trust me, Jenny and Sam are gonna be happy with a solid 2-3 hours of ride time, and honestly, I’m just here for the churros and air conditioning. At least I don’t have to wait in line for those.

And let’s talk about the crowds. We all know the phrase “tourist season” is just code for “let’s all stand really close to each other and pretend we know what we’re doing.” But here’s where the secret sauce lies: timing is everything. A lot of tourists aren’t exactly morning people (thankfully), so get those kids out of bed early, grab a Starbucks (for you, not them—trust me), and get moving before the mobs start showing up. I’m telling you, there’s something magical about being in the park when it first opens. You can knock out a couple of big rides before the masses arrive. And guess what? Your kids will actually feel like they’ve “conquered” something before lunch. That’s a win, mama.

Speaking of food, packing snacks like a pro is a must. Those theme park snacks? Ridiculously overpriced. A small bottle of water at Disney? Prepare to sell a kidney. So I stash snacks like they’re going out of style. Granola bars, applesauce pouches, crackers—whatever I can throw in my bag without it looking like I’m planning for a week-long camping trip. Oh, and for those moments when the kids start whining about how hungry they are (we all know it’s never “just one snack” with these kiddos), I’ve got the quick fixes. A pouch of fruit snacks here, a pack of pretzels there… boom, crisis averted. And when all else fails, I’ll hand them a churro and say, “Here, we’re almost home.”

Now let’s talk about keeping your cool. It’s so easy to get annoyed when you’re waiting in line for an hour and half, but take it from me—if you stay chill, your kids will too. (Okay, fine—maybe not all the time, but you catch my drift.) I have an unspoken rule in my house: if you lose your patience, you lose your turn. So, whenever Sam starts getting antsy, I’ll whisper, “Remember our rule?” and suddenly, he’s as calm as a cucumber. And the best part? If you can pull off a calm, cool vibe, it’ll totally rub off on your little ones. They feed off your energy, mama. Just remember to breathe through the madness.

Lastly, embrace the chaos. I used to fight it, but now I just let go. There’s no such thing as a perfect Disney day, so I’ve stopped trying to achieve one. My kids are gonna complain about their feet hurting, Rob is going to get grumpy about waiting in a long line, and I’m going to sweat through my shirt. But you know what? We’re in it together. The magic of Orlando doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s the messy, unpredictable, loud, and chaotic moments that make the memories stick. And when we get home after a long day, I’ll collapse onto the couch, thankful for the chaos, but thrilled it’s over.

So, there you go. Surviving Orlando’s tourist season is all about staying ahead of the game, rolling with the punches, and making the best of it. If you approach it with a “Let’s do this!” attitude, your family will have more fun than you can imagine—at least until next year, when the whole thing starts all over again.

And now, drum roll, please… here’s your joke of the day:

Why did the mother broom ask the baby broom to go to bed?
Because it was time to sweep!